Alexander Revisited:
The Final Cut

Babylon, Persia - June 323 B.C.

Nearchus:
Alexander, the army will divide. Satrapies will revolt. Without your orders, there'll be war.


Perdicass:
We beg you. Tell us who.



Alexandria, Egypt 285 B.C. – 40 Years Later

Gaugamela, Persia 331 B.C – 45 years earlier

Alexander:
In the crack of the Persian line, we’ll go for the head.

Antigonus:
Kill Darius?

Alexander:
The gods had brought him to us, at last.
If I die, it’s one Macedonian. But the Persians, they cannot move without Darius’ command.
Here, right here, we cut the throat of the Persian army.

Parmenion:
This is madness. You’ll never get within 100 paces of him. Have you seen the sheer size of his force, Alexander?

Alexander:
Not if you hold them on the left, my brave Parmenion. With your son, Philotas, for just one, two hours tomorrow. And you, unbreakable Antigonus, the center Phalanx. Perdicass, Leonnatus, Nearchus, Polyperchon. If you pin them on the walls of your sarissas, here in the center, their calvary will follow me out to the right.
And when bold Cassander breaks, stretching their left, a hole will open. Then I and my cavalry –our revered Cleitus, Ptolemy, and Hephaistion will strike through the gap and deal a deathblow to Darius’ head.

Parmenion:
Since when, by the light of Apollo, has cavalry been used to break infantry line?

Alexander:
What wasit we did in Chaeronea, Parmenion?

Parmenion:
Alexander, even with luck, timing, the gods, there’re at least five to our one; which means in truth we must rout the tomorrow, destroy their army completely.
Or we’ll be picked apart by bandit tribes on the long journey home.

Antigonus:
Right.

Alexander:
You speak of home and retreat, but do you understand, Parmenion? Babylon is my new home.

Cassander:
Alexander, if we must fight, do so with stealth. Use your numbers well. We should attack tonight when they least expect us.

Alexander:
I didn’t cross Asia to steal this victory, Cassander.

Cassander:
No, you are too honourable for that. No doubt influenced from sleeping with Tales of Troy under your pillow. But your father was no lover of Homer’s.

Parmenion:
The lands west of the Euphrates, Alexander, the hand of his daughter in marriage. Since when has a Greek been given such honors?

Alexander:
These are not honors, Parmenion, they’re bribes which the Greeks have accepted too long.
Do you forget that the man who murdered my father lies across the valley floor?

Parmenion:
Come, Alexander, we’re still not sure if it was Persian gold behind the assassination. But that is no matter!  Your father taught you never to surrender your reason to your passion.
Now I urge you, with all my experience, regroup. Fall back to the coast, raise a larger force.

Alexander:
I would, if I were Parmenion. But I am Alexander.
And no more than Earth has two suns will Asia bears two kings. These are my terms.
And if Darius isn’t a coward who hides behind his men, then he’ll come to me tomorrow. And when he bows down to Greece, Alexander will be merciful.

Black Cleitus:
By Ares’ chains, he has got balls, men. I mean, give the man his due, Parmenion.
And, lads, feast tonight, for tomorrow we will dine in Hades.

Macedonian left:
Philotas:
Father! We must fall back to the gully, Father!

Parmenion:
No, hold! Where is he? We’re far too thin! Get word to Alexander! Move!

Soldier:
Yes, sir.

Macedonian right:
Alexander:
Come, Macedonians! Ride! Ride! Drive for the hole!

Soldiers:
Drive for the hole! Drive for the hole!

Macedonian center:

Darius:
Prince Merdicus, bring these men up.

Macedonian left:
Parmenion:
Back and to the left! Back and to the left!

Soldier:
General!

Soldier:
Get to your home! And go home fast.

Parmenion:
I cannot see! Philotas! Philotas!

Philotas:
Father.

Parmenion:
Go. Tell Alexander yourself. And if he won’t listen, then survive me and avenge this betrayal!

Macedonian center:
Black Cleitus:
Pay attention, lad! Your father still watches over you!

Alexander:
Darius!
(to Hephaistion) Find your horses.
Darius!

Darius:
Go! Go!

Alexander:
We can reach those mountains by sunset, go all night and catch Darius at dawn. Provision the horses!

Philotas:
Alexander! Alexander, my father’s lost. They’ve overrun the flank! They’re into the baggage train.

Hephaistion:
Parmenion’s crumbling.

Ptolemy:
Alexander, if you chase him, you risk losing your army here.

Alexander:
And if we capture him, we gain an empire.
 “You can run to the end of the earth, you coward! But you’ll never run far enough!”
To Parmenion!

Hermolaus:
You bleed free, My Lord. May I tend to your wound?

Alexander:
No, Hermolaus, not now. There’s far worse than me. Go to them. Help them.
(To soldier) How was this done, soldier?

Glaukos:
Spear. But I got two of the buggers. Your Majesty.

Alexander:
You’re very brave. What shall I call you?

Glaukos:
Glaukos, my king.

Alexander:
Glaukos. And where’s your home?

Glaukos: Illyria.

Alexander:
Let your body go loose. Think of home now. And be brave again. Glaukos …and you will live on in glory.

Physician:
Alexander.

Pella, Macedonia – 20 years earlier

Olympias:
If you hesitate, she will strike. Yes.
They (the snakes) are like people. You can love them for years. Feed them, nurture them, but still, they can turn on you.  Don’t hurt her. Good. Now…
He calls me a barbarian. He makes a mockery of Dionysus every night.

Olympias:
Women are the only ones who know Dionysus.


Olympias:
My little Achilles.
Stay, Alexander. Down, down. (To Philip) What is it that you want?!

Philip:
Six months. Did you miss me?

Olympias:
No. Not here!

Philip:
Proud bitch, I’m still your king.

Olympias:
King of what? Shepherders? I am of Achilles’ royal blood.

Philip:
The blood of Herakles runs in my veins.

Olympias:
You are nothing but a drunken whore.

Philip:
Shut your mouth. You 10-titted bitch from Hades! Which god could I curse to have ever laid eyes on you!

Olympias:
You think people respect you? You think they don’t know about your bastards?

Philip:
Damn your sorceress soul! You keep him here like one of your snakes! I told you not! I told you not! You’ll obey me.

Olympias:
I will not.

Philip:
You’ll obey me, or I’ll kill you with my own hands.

Young Alexander:
Let her go! No! Stop! Papa!

Philip:
Obey me!

Chambermaid:
Your Majesty! No!

Olympias:
In the name of the gods. He will never be yours! Never! In my womb I carried my avenger!

Babylon, Persia 331 B.C. – 13 years later.

Phalanx leader:
Phalanx!


The crowd:
Sikander! Sikander!

Cassander:
Aristotle may have called them barbarians, but he never saw Babylon.
We have enough gold here to support three generations of Macedonian armies.

Alexander:
And Macedonia would soon corrupt, Cassander. “Wealth in great quantities brings the crows.”

Antigonus: Not for the man who fought, I trust.

Alexander:
We’ll pay them well, Antigonus, but not as mercenaries for future services.

Nearchus:
Now you sound like Philip.

Hephaistion:
Philip never saw Babylon.

Ptolemy:
No, he didn’t, Hephaistion.

The boys:
Hello! Hello!

Parmenion:
Alexander, I know you think me a stiff old sod, but whatever our differences, know this day your father would be very proud of you.

Alexander:
Thank you, Parmenion.
I ask you to forgive me, my own anger, my pride. They, too, blind me.

Cassander:
A magnificent mainland work from the last century. The golden age, Alexander. Worth much to Athens and to our alliances.

Alexander:
Take back what is ours but spare what belongs to the Persians.

Ptolemy:
Yes, we’re the richest men to walk the earth, my friends.

Black Cleitus:
Not if you keep giving it all away.

Ptolemy:
The grandsons of goat herders, we now rule 2 million square miles. But, none of you fear that this great fortune may drive us all to destruction.

Alexander:
You overvalue us. For as long as Darius breathes, he is the legitimate king of Asia. And I, but the king of air.

Philotas:
But he has no power, Alexander. He’s lost in the mountains with no army.

Alexander:
As long as he’s lost, Philotas, he can be believed in. Only when he’s found will it be decided.

Parmenion:
It seems that you’ve already made up your mind, Alexander.

Alexander:
We must finish what we failed to do at Gaugamela, Parmenion. We must hunt Darius down.

Parmenion: That was not your father’s mission.

Alexander:
And I am not my father.
Come on, have you so quickly forgotten? Fortune favors the bold!

Leonnatus:
No wonder Darius fled when he had this to come back to.

Nearchus:
One for every night of the year.

Leonnatus:
How will I go back to Lysimache after this?

Nearchus:
I advise you not to touch, Lennatus. Here, I’ll take care of it for you.

Alexander:
Aristotle was perhaps prescient.
Do these images fool us with their beauty and degrade our souls?

Eunuch:
Bagoas, great king. Darius’ boy.

Alexander:
Bagoas?

Eunuch:
Nicely gilded, Your Majesty. Most successful. He was certainly one of the great king’s favorites. How old? Is great well with the years. What are you, Bagoas? Eighteen, 19?

Alexander:
Where does he come from?

Bagoas:
The north, sire. From the hills near Susa.

Alexander:
You speak our language. Good. I’d like to learn yours.

Bagoas:
Is learnable, my lord.

Alexander:
So tell me, Bagoas, do my eyes betray me or do you wish to be set free to go back to your homeland?

Bagoas:
All my family’s long dead, great king. With your permission, I will stay on.

Alexander:
Very well, then, Bagoas. Ptolemy! Administer this. And that’s the same of every person in the harem, woman and eunuch. Whoever wishes to be sent home to their families, let them.

Northeastern Persia, 329 – 327 B.C.

Soldier:
He was dying when we found him, sire. He asked for water. He drank and died.

Black Cleitus:
Five to any man who bothers to kill me.

Hephaistion:
Have another drink, Cleitus.

Black Cleitus:
Shouldn’t you be bowing to the king?

Nearchus:
Cleitus.

Oxyartes:
Alexander, you look weak when you not accept these honors.

Alexander:
I understand, my dear father, but it’s against Greek ways.

Oxyartes:
Then Greek ways are weak.

Persian Chamberlain:
I still think she got the better of him in this bargain.

Oxyartes:
My daughter, Roxane, she shall make you good wife. She shall kill for you. Raw skunk, ruler of heaven… and earth. In honor of this great alliance, I, Oxyartes, offer you these great gifts. Some tribe leader: I would like to honor a toast to you from my people.

Cup bearer:
Good morning, sire.

Oxyartes:
We shall fight for you, Alexander. It shall be bloody.

Alexander:
Who’s the bear?

Ptolemy:
Parmenion. He’s been in complete control of your supply lines.

Alexander:
His pessimism is infectious. But he’ll stay loyal, as long as his son remains with us.

Persian Chamberlain:
Her eyes tell me she cares for you, Alexander. Perhaps too much. In the ways of my country, those who love too much, lose everything. And those who love with irony, last.

Sogdia, Northeast Persia - 10 Years Later.

Alexander: What is it, Orestes?

Orestes:
I beg your forgiveness, my king. I cannot be part of this.

Alexander:
Who did this? Tell me. Say it!

Orestes: Hermolaus.

Hermolaus:
Death to all tyrants.


Philotas:
I didn’t do this!

Alexander:
I’ve known you and loved you as long as I know. Never will you find a man as devoted as I.

Philotas:
Alexander. 


Philotas:
Remember me for who I am.

Alexander:
I do remember you, Philotas, but not as you remember yourself. And it appears to me and others here from the testimony given by your mistress that the true weather of your soul is ambition.

Philotas:
No.


Soldier:
Remove him.

Perdicass:
The men will follow their king.

Antigonus:
Alexander won’t be there.


Alexander:
Then go, Antigonus, and Cleitus. And go quickly.

Parmenion:
If we issue the gold bullion in the name of Alexander then we meet a resistance. Cleitus. Antigonus.

Antigonus:
Parmenion.

Macedonia - 9 Years Earlier.

Ptolemy:
Ah, come, Alexander, drink this sadness away.

Alexander: If only thirst could quench sorrow, Ptolemy.

Philip:
There’s only one thing better than winning a battle, son... and that’s the taste of a new woman. You’ll find it far sweeter than self-pity.
(To Pausanias) Pausanias, you bore me.

Cleitus:
Alexander!

Philip:
(To Pausanias) Be gone with you.

Cleitus:
Alexander, I found you the right girl.
(To Antigone) What’s your name, darling?

Antigone:
Antigone.

Cleitus:
(To Antigone) What’s your name?

Antigone:
Antigone.

Cleitus:
(To Alexander) I love you.

Alexander:
And I love you, Cleitus.

Pausanias:
Please, no!

Philip:
There you go.

Cleitus:
I’ll sleep in my grave, Hephaistion. While alive, I prefer dancing.

Philip:
Pausanias. Who’s your new friend? There’s your new friend.

Pausanias:
Please don’t! Don’t! Please, no! No.

Attalus:
A toast. A toast! I drink to our Greek friends and to our new union Macedonia and Greece, equals in greatness! And to Philip, our king, without whom this union could not be possible.

Philip:
Come, Attalus, leave some damn air in the hall!

Attalus:
And last, I drink to the king’s marriage to my niece, Eurydice, a Macedonian queen we can be proud of! To Philip and Eurydice, and to their legitimate sons!

Ptolemy:
Don’t!

Alexander:
What am I? Son of a dog? Come, then!

Guest:
What a disgrace.

Philip:
Shut up! Shut up, all of you!

Ptolemy:
Please.

Philip:
This is my wedding, not some public brawl.

Guest:
Insolent pup.
Philip: Apologize, by Zeus, before you dishonour me.

Alexander:
You defend the man who called my mother a whore and me a bastard. And I dishonor you?

Philip:
Ah, you listen like your mother. Attalus is my family now, the same as you.

Alexander: Then choose your relatives more carefully. Don’t expect me to sit here and watch you shame yourself.

Philip:
Shame?

Attalus:
You insult me!

Alexander:
I insult you! A man not fit to lick the ground my mother walks on.

Philip:
Shame?

Alexander:
You dog, questioning your queen.

Philip:
Shame?! I’ve nothing to ashamed of, you arrogant brat. I’ll marry the girl if I want, and I’ll have as any sons as I want. There’s nothing you or your harpy mother can do about it.

Alexander:
Why, drunken man, must you think everything I do and say comes from my mother

Philip: Because I know her heart, by Hear, and I see her in your eyes! You covet this throne too much. Now we all know that she-wolf of a mother of yours wants me dead. Well, you can both dream, boy.

Parmenion:
Come, Philip, this is the wine talking. Leave the boy. It’ll wait till morning

Philip:
Now! I command you. Apologize to your kinsman. Apologize!

Alexander:
No kinsman to me. Good night, old man. And when my mother remarries, I’ll invite you to her wedding.

Philip:
You bastard! You’ll obey me. Come here.

Alexander:
This is the man who is going to take you from Greece to Persia? He can’t even make it from one couch to the next.

Philip:
Get out of my palace! You’re exiled, you bastard! Banished from the land. You’re not welcome here. You’re no son of mine.

Hindu Kush - 10 Years Later


Ptolemy:
The surveyors are saying that Zeus chained Prometheus up there. In one of those caves. They say there’s a giant eagle’s nest just above it. I suppose he drops down each night to peck out poor Prometheus’ liver. 

Alexander:
You remember what Aristotle told us of these mountains?

Ptolemy:
Yes, I do. That when we reach these heights, we’d look back and see Macedonia to the west and the outer ocean to the east. But I fear this world’s is far larger than anyone dreamed.

Alexander:
A world of Titans.

Ptolemy:
The scouts have been up every known trail, Alexander. There is no way across. Except to the south, into India.

Alexander: Were we gods, we’d breach these walls to the eastern ocean.

Ptolemy:
We will, Alexander. In a few years’ time, we will return. But first, the men must see their homes.

Alexander:
Have you found your home, Ptolemy?

Ptolemy:
More and more, I think it will be Alexandria. Well, at least it’s hot. And Thais, she loved it there.

Alexander:
Women bring men home. I have no such feelings.

Ptolemy:
Oh, you have Babylon, Alexander. Where your mother awaits your invitation.

Alexander:
Yes, I have Babylon. But each land, each boundary I cross, I strip away another illusion. I sense death would be the last. Yet still, I push harder and harder to reach this... home.
Where has our eagle gone? We must go on, Ptolemy. Until we find an end.

India – 7 B.C

Soldier:
Over there!

Hephaistion:
They’re animals.


Alexander:
Monkey. Monkey.

Alexander:
(To the monkey) Hello, little man.
(To Hephaistion) Do they speak?

Hephaistion:
No, but they do sing and make noises from the roofs of the forests.


Alexander:
Well done today. Make sure the women and children are fed.
You know better, Machatas. What’s your son going to say? Come on, man. The older you get, the stronger.

Machatas:
Right, my king. You’re my horse, Alexander. I’ll be with you at your side.


Crateros:
What happened?

Alexander:
It’s to the neck.

Crateros:
Oh, no. Zeus, no. Hold on, hold on. Be brave. Be brave. Oh, Zeus…

Black Cleitus:
A toast to Bagoas. And the 30,000 beautiful Persian boys...we're training to fight in this great army. And to the memory of Philip. Had he lived to see his Macedonians...transformed into such...a pretty army. To Philip. To a real hero.

The crowd:
Philip!

Ptolemy:
To Cleitus and his new appointment as satrap of Bactria.

The crowd:
Cleitus.

 Black Cleitus:
That's a fancy way of putting it, Ptolemy. But we all know what a pension and an exile is...after 30 years' service.

Alexander:
Exile? From where, Cleitus?

Black Cleitus:
From my home, Alexander, Macedonia. You could've asked me where I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

Alexander:
You call governing this major province exile?

Black Cleitus:
Has Your Majesty given any of his closest companions...a province so far from home?

Alexander:
Then you won't make a very good satrap, will you, Cleitus?

 Black Cleitus: So be it. Let me rot in Macedonian rags...rather than shine...in Eastern pomp. I won't quake and bow down like the sycophants you have around you. Hephaistion, Nearchus, Perdiccas.

Alexander:
As governor of one of our most Asian of satrapies...Cleitus, does it not occur to you that if my Persian subjects...bow down before me, it's important for them to do so? Do I insist on Greeks doing the same? 

Black Cleitus:
You accept Greek offerings as a son of Zeus, do you not?

Alexander:
Only when offered.

Black Cleitus:
Why don't you refuse these vain flatteries? What freedom is this, to bow before you?

Alexander:
You bow before Herakles, and he was mortal...but a son of Zeus. 

Black Cleitus:
How can you, so young, compare yourself to Herakles?

Alexander:
Why not? I've achieved more in my years. Traveled as far. Probably farther.

Black Cleitus:
Herakles did it by himself. Did you conquer Asia by yourself, Alexander? Who planned the Asian invasion...when you were still being spanked on your bottom by my sister Lanice? Was it not your father? Or is his blood no longer good enough? 

Crateros:
Hei...

Black Cleitus:
Zeus-Amon, is it?

Alexander:
You insult me, Cleitus. You mock my family. Be careful.

Black Cleitus:
Never would your father have taken barbarians as his friends...asked us to fight with them as equals in war. Are we not good enough any longer? I remember a time...when we could talk as men, straight to the eye. None of this scraping, groveling. I remember a time when we hunted...when we wrestled on the gymnasium floor. Now you kiss them? Take a barbarian, childless wife and dare call her queen?

Alexander:
Go quickly, Cleitus, before you ruin your life.

Black Cleitus:
Doesn't your great pride fear the gods any longer? This army...This army is your blood, boy!

Philip ghost:
Without it, you're nothing!

Alexander:
You no longer serve the purpose of this march! Get him from my sight!

Black Cleitus:
I don't serve your purpose?! What was I serving when I saved your puppy life at Gaugamela? Were you Zeus' boy? What if I left you to die in the dust there? Do you think we'd be forced now to mate with brown apes? 

Hephaistion:
Alexander!

Alexander:
Turn out the guards! Arrest him for treason!

Crateros:
I'll go with him. -Alexander.

Alexander:
Who's with him?

Guest:
No.

Alexander:
Who's with him? I call Father Zeus to witness. I call you to trial before him! And we'll see how deep this conspiracy cuts! Take him!

Hephaistion:
In the name of the gods, get him out!

Black Cleitus:
Now look at you! Great white ass, Alexander. Hiding behind his fairy god! Oh! Or are you too great to remember whose life was saved by me?! I am more a man than you'll ever be! Ever!

Crateros:
Get him out!

Antigonus:
He's gone. He's gone.

Hephaistion:
Alexander. 

Antigonus:
Come on!

Black Cleitus:
What a tyrant you are! An evil tyrant you've become, Alexander. You speak of plots against you? What about poor Parmenion?

Antigonus:
Get out! Get out of here!

Black Cleitus:
He served you well. Look how you repaid him. You made me do your foul deed. Have you no shame?

Alexander:
You ungrateful wretch! No one, not my vilest enemy, has spoken like you to me.

Black Cleitus:
Getting what I say?! Despot. False king. You and your barbarian mother live in shame.

Alexander:
Cleitus. Oh, my Cleitus. Cleitus.

Nearchus: