Alexander Revisited:
The Final Cut

Gaugamela, Persia 331 B.C – 45 years earlier

Alexander:
In the crack of the Persian line, we’ll go for the head.

Antigonus:
Kill Darius?

Alexander:
The gods had brought him to us, at last.
If I die, it’s one Macedonian. But the Persians, they cannot move without Darius’ command.
Here, right here, we cut the throat of the Persian army.

Parmenion:
This is madness. You’ll never get within 100 paces of him. Have you seen the sheer size of his force, Alexander?

Alexander:
Not if you hold them on the left, my brave Parmenion. With your son, Philotas, for just one, two hours tomorrow. And you, unbreakable Antigonus, the center Phalanx. Perdicass, Leonnatus, Nearchus, Polyperchon. If you pin them on the walls of your sarissas, here in the center, their calvary will follow me out to the right.
And when bold Cassander breaks, stretching their left, a hole will open. Then I and my cavalry –our revered Cleitus, Ptolemy, and Hephaistion will strike through the gap and deal a deathblow to Darius’ head.

Parmenion:
Since when, by the light of Apollo, has cavalry been used to break infantry line?

Alexander:
What wasit we did in Chaeronea, Parmenion?

Parmenion:
Alexander, even with luck, timing, the gods, there’re at least five to our one; which means in truth we must rout the tomorrow, destroy their army completely.
Or we’ll be picked apart by bandit tribes on the long journey home.

Antigonus:
Right.

Alexander:
You speak of home and retreat, but do you understand, Parmenion? Babylon is my new home.

Cassander:
Alexander, if we must fight, do so with stealth. Use your numbers well. We should attack tonight when they least expect us.

Alexander:
I didn’t cross Asia to steal this victory, Cassander.

Cassander:
No, you are too honourable for that. No doubt influenced from sleeping with Tales of Troy under your pillow. But your father was no lover of Homer’s.

Parmenion:
The lands west of the Euphrates, Alexander, the hand of his daughter in marriage. Since when has a Greek been given such honors?

Alexander:
These are not honors, Parmenion, they’re bribes which the Greeks have accepted too long.
Do you forget that the man who murdered my father lies across the valley floor?

Parmenion:
Come, Alexander, we’re still not sure if it was Persian gold behind the assassination. But that is no matter!  Your father taught you never to surrender your reason to your passion.
Now I urge you, with all my experience, regroup. Fall back to the coast, raise a larger force.

Alexander:
I would, if I were Parmenion. But I am Alexander.
And no more than Earth has two suns will Asia bears two kings. These are my terms.
And if Darius isn’t a coward who hides behind his men, then he’ll come to me tomorrow. And when he bows down to Greece, Alexander will be merciful.

Black Cleitus:
By Ares’ chains, he has got balls, men. I mean, give the man his due, Parmenion.
And, lads, feast tonight, for tomorrow we will dine in Hades.

Philip:
Is that the best you can do, Cleitus? Back to the phalanx with you, I’ll ride him myself.

Black Cleitus:
No one will ride that beast, Your Majesty. Not with your leg. He’s been beaten far too often.

Horse seller:
My noble king, he’s a high-spirited animal, yes. High-spirited and worthy of Philip of Macedon. For three and a half talents, I couldn’t possibly make a profit of him, but for you --

Philip:
Why would I need such a beast? I already have a wife.

Olympias:
(To Alexander) Do I seem so old?

Horse sellers:
Stay down, stay down. Hold him!

Philip:
A broken neck comes free. He’s too nervous for battle. Sell him for meat.

Young Alexander:
Buy him for me, father. I’ll ride him.

Philip:
And if you don’t?

Young Alexander:
I’ll pay for him myself.

Philip:
With what, your singing voice?

Young Alexander:
I’ll pay you!

Philip:
I tell you, that horse can’t be ridden, lad. His mind is broken.

Young Alexander:
He can be ridden. By me.

Philip:
If you can rule that horse, I’ll make him yours. (To the horse seller)…at half the price.

Black Cleitus:
That horse will kill him, Philip. He’ll break the boy in two.

Philip:
Will he? Perhaps she’ll make a musician out of him yet.

Young Alexander:
(To Bucephalus) You don’t like your shadow, do you? It’s like a dark spirit coming up to get you. Do you see? That’s us. It’s just a trick of Apollo’s. He’s the god of the sun.
But I’ll show you how to outwit him (Apollo), you and me together.

Parmenion:
The boy doesn’t have the craft, Philip. He could hurt himself.

Philip:
He’ll have to figure that out for himself. It’s time.

Attalus:
Good idea. Indeed there are times, Philip, when I wonder if he is your blood.

Parmenion:
I only worry that --

Philip:
What was that, Attalus?

Attalus:
Nothing. I was just noticing how the people like seeing you and Eurydice together.

Philip:
(To Alexander) You go, boy!
You ride that horse and by Zeus I say, you can rule the world.

Young Alexander:
Bucephalus. That’s what I’ll call you. Strong and stubborn. Bucephalus and Alexander. Come now, let’s ride together.

Philip:
He got some titans in him, yet. Attalus! Cleitus! For Zeus’ sake, he beats you, man!

Young Alexander:
Now, Bucephalus, show them.

Philip:
My son. My son!

Balkh, Bactria

Alexander:
Through our union, Greek and barbarian may be reconciled in peace.

Alexander:
On this glorious occasion, I toast this great army that has given so much. And in honor of them, those of you who set out with us seven long years ago, I pronounce all your debs paid forthwith from the royal treasury. 

The soldiers:
Praise Alexander!

Alexander:
And in honor of my bride -my beautiful bride, we recognize the many women who’ve shared the long hard road with us. And grant them dowries befitting a proper marriage.

Black Cleitus:
What about our boys?

Alexander:
And lastly, lastly, the gods demand no less of us that your children be given a proper Greek education and military training under our protection so as to be the new soldiers of our kingdom in Asia.



Parmenion:
Your father must be turning in his grave, Alexander. After all this time, a hill chief’s daughter? You call this tribal wedding legitimate?

Alexander: Do you forget my father took a barbarian as his queen?

Parmenion:
Yes, but few would call it a profoundly happy marriage.

Philotas:
But what’s the point, Alexander? She’s your captive. Just take her as your concubine.

Alexander:
Cos I want a son. Damn you, Philotas.

Philotas:
Then half you nobles have sisters who’d make fine Macedonian mothers.

Alexander:
To take an Asian as my queen, not a captive, is a sign of deep respect for our subject. It will bring us together, unify us. Which is not to say I won’t take a Macedonian.

Philotas: As a second wife? You insult Macedonia.

Antigonus:
Never will our people accept this girl’s son as king. They’ll be angry enough to find out their husbands all have second wives in Barbaria.

Alexander:
Then they’ll learn! By Athena’s justice, this girl has spirit. She’ll breed a brave son.

Polyperchon:
Alexander! This is about the honor of our kingdom.

Parmenion:
Exactly. What can be won, Alexander? We’re in Asia to punish them for their crimes. We’ve achieved that. Seven years from home, now we drift from one far region to another, chasing nomads and bandits when Macedonia bleeds its manpower. For what? To build roads in Asia? To give these people cities?

Black Cleitus:
And now make an army of them?

Alexander:
To found cities and expand our reach is not to drift, Parmenion.

Parmenion:
What benefit to Macedon?

Alexander:
It’s far richer than before!

Parmenion:
Look what you give them.

Nearchus:
With respect, Parmenion, had you fought better at Gaugamela when your flank was crumbling we would’ve had Darius--

Philotas:
How dare you, Nearchus?!

Nearchus:
General Nearchus, to you, boy.

Philotas:
Alexander spread our flank too thin! There was nothing my father, or any of you, could’ve done!

Parmenion:
Philotas! (To Alexander) Alexander, I’ve known you since you were born. I supported you at your father’s death. At the very least, for Zeus’ sake, and in respect to the council that chose you king, give us a Macedonian heir. A Macedonian heir.

Alexander:
You’ve been heard clearly.

Parmenion: But—

Alexander:
Parmenion! After the wedding, take two brigades back to Babylon, where I look to you and Antipater in Greece, to maintain our empire and supply this expedition. I’ll winter in the north with my army at Marakand.

Parmenion:
I pray to Apollo you’ll soon realize how far you’ve turned from your father’s path.

Alexander:
I damn you, Parmenion, by the gods and your Apollo. What was in my father’s guts wasn’t overripe in reason like yours!

Parmenion:
He never lusted for war, Alexander, or enjoyed it so. He consulted his peers in council, among equals, the Macedonian way. He didn’t make decisions based on his personal desires.

Alexander:
I’ve taken us further than my father ever dreamed. Old man… we’re in new worlds.

Cassander:
Alexander, be reasonable! Were they ever meant to be our equals? Share our rewards? You remember what Aristotle said. An Asian? What would a vow mean to a race that’s never kept their word to a Greek? Alexander: Aristotle be damned!

Others:
Alexander!

Alexander:
By Zeus and all the gods, what makes you so much better than them, Cassander? Better than you really are. In you and those like you is this.

Hephaistion:
Alexander.

Alexander:
What disturbs me the most is not your lack of respect for my judgement. It’s your contempt for a world far older than ours.

Black Cleitus:
Five to any man who bothers to kill me.

Hephaistion:
Have another drink, Cleitus.

Black Cleitus:
Shouldn’t you be bowing to the king?

Nearchus:
Cleitus.

Oxyartes:
Alexander, you look weak when you not accept these honors.

Alexander:
I understand, my dear father, but it’s against Greek ways.

Oxyartes:
Then Greek ways are weak.

Persian Chamberlain:
I still think she got the better of him in this bargain.

Oxyartes:
My daughter, Roxane, she shall make you good wife. She shall kill for you. Raw skunk, ruler of heaven… and earth. In honor of this great alliance, I, Oxyartes, offer you these great gifts. Some tribe leader: I would like to honor a toast to you from my people.

Cup bearer:
Good morning, sire.

Oxyartes:
We shall fight for you, Alexander. It shall be bloody.

Alexander:
Who’s the bear?

Ptolemy:
Parmenion. He’s been in complete control of your supply lines.

Alexander:
His pessimism is infectious. But he’ll stay loyal, as long as his son remains with us.

Persian Chamberlain:
Her eyes tell me she cares for you, Alexander. Perhaps too much. In the ways of my country, those who love too much, lose everything. And those who love with irony, last.

Macedonia - 9 Years Earlier.

Ptolemy:
Ah, come, Alexander, drink this sadness away.

Alexander: If only thirst could quench sorrow, Ptolemy.

Philip:
There’s only one thing better than winning a battle, son... and that’s the taste of a new woman. You’ll find it far sweeter than self-pity.
(To Pausanias) Pausanias, you bore me.

Cleitus:
Alexander!

Philip:
(To Pausanias) Be gone with you.

Cleitus:
Alexander, I found you the right girl.
(To Antigone) What’s your name, darling?

Antigone:
Antigone.

Cleitus:
(To Antigone) What’s your name?

Antigone:
Antigone.

Cleitus:
(To Alexander) I love you.

Alexander:
And I love you, Cleitus.

Pausanias:
Please, no!

Philip:
There you go.

Cleitus:
I’ll sleep in my grave, Hephaistion. While alive, I prefer dancing.

Philip:
Pausanias. Who’s your new friend? There’s your new friend.

Pausanias:
Please don’t! Don’t! Please, no! No.

Attalus:
A toast. A toast! I drink to our Greek friends and to our new union Macedonia and Greece, equals in greatness! And to Philip, our king, without whom this union could not be possible.

Philip:
Come, Attalus, leave some damn air in the hall!

Attalus:
And last, I drink to the king’s marriage to my niece, Eurydice, a Macedonian queen we can be proud of! To Philip and Eurydice, and to their legitimate sons!

Ptolemy:
Don’t!

Alexander:
What am I? Son of a dog? Come, then!

Guest:
What a disgrace.

Philip:
Shut up! Shut up, all of you!

Ptolemy:
Please.

Philip:
This is my wedding, not some public brawl.

Guest:
Insolent pup.
Philip: Apologize, by Zeus, before you dishonour me.

Alexander:
You defend the man who called my mother a whore and me a bastard. And I dishonor you?

Philip:
Ah, you listen like your mother. Attalus is my family now, the same as you.

Alexander: Then choose your relatives more carefully. Don’t expect me to sit here and watch you shame yourself.

Philip:
Shame?

Attalus:
You insult me!

Alexander:
I insult you! A man not fit to lick the ground my mother walks on.

Philip:
Shame?

Alexander:
You dog, questioning your queen.

Philip:
Shame?! I’ve nothing to ashamed of, you arrogant brat. I’ll marry the girl if I want, and I’ll have as any sons as I want. There’s nothing you or your harpy mother can do about it.

Alexander:
Why, drunken man, must you think everything I do and say comes from my mother

Philip: Because I know her heart, by Hear, and I see her in your eyes! You covet this throne too much. Now we all know that she-wolf of a mother of yours wants me dead. Well, you can both dream, boy.

Parmenion:
Come, Philip, this is the wine talking. Leave the boy. It’ll wait till morning

Philip:
Now! I command you. Apologize to your kinsman. Apologize!

Alexander:
No kinsman to me. Good night, old man. And when my mother remarries, I’ll invite you to her wedding.

Philip:
You bastard! You’ll obey me. Come here.

Alexander:
This is the man who is going to take you from Greece to Persia? He can’t even make it from one couch to the next.

Philip:
Get out of my palace! You’re exiled, you bastard! Banished from the land. You’re not welcome here. You’re no son of mine.

Black Cleitus:
A toast to Bagoas. And the 30,000 beautiful Persian boys...we're training to fight in this great army. And to the memory of Philip. Had he lived to see his Macedonians...transformed into such...a pretty army. To Philip. To a real hero.

The crowd:
Philip!

Ptolemy:
To Cleitus and his new appointment as satrap of Bactria.

The crowd:
Cleitus.

 Black Cleitus:
That's a fancy way of putting it, Ptolemy. But we all know what a pension and an exile is...after 30 years' service.

Alexander:
Exile? From where, Cleitus?

Black Cleitus:
From my home, Alexander, Macedonia. You could've asked me where I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

Alexander:
You call governing this major province exile?

Black Cleitus:
Has Your Majesty given any of his closest companions...a province so far from home?

Alexander:
Then you won't make a very good satrap, will you, Cleitus?

 Black Cleitus: So be it. Let me rot in Macedonian rags...rather than shine...in Eastern pomp. I won't quake and bow down like the sycophants you have around you. Hephaistion, Nearchus, Perdiccas.

Alexander:
As governor of one of our most Asian of satrapies...Cleitus, does it not occur to you that if my Persian subjects...bow down before me, it's important for them to do so? Do I insist on Greeks doing the same? 

Black Cleitus:
You accept Greek offerings as a son of Zeus, do you not?

Alexander:
Only when offered.

Black Cleitus:
Why don't you refuse these vain flatteries? What freedom is this, to bow before you?

Alexander:
You bow before Herakles, and he was mortal...but a son of Zeus. 

Black Cleitus:
How can you, so young, compare yourself to Herakles?

Alexander:
Why not? I've achieved more in my years. Traveled as far. Probably farther.

Black Cleitus:
Herakles did it by himself. Did you conquer Asia by yourself, Alexander? Who planned the Asian invasion...when you were still being spanked on your bottom by my sister Lanice? Was it not your father? Or is his blood no longer good enough? 

Crateros:
Hei...

Black Cleitus:
Zeus-Amon, is it?

Alexander:
You insult me, Cleitus. You mock my family. Be careful.

Black Cleitus:
Never would your father have taken barbarians as his friends...asked us to fight with them as equals in war. Are we not good enough any longer? I remember a time...when we could talk as men, straight to the eye. None of this scraping, groveling. I remember a time when we hunted...when we wrestled on the gymnasium floor. Now you kiss them? Take a barbarian, childless wife and dare call her queen?

Alexander:
Go quickly, Cleitus, before you ruin your life.

Black Cleitus:
Doesn't your great pride fear the gods any longer? This army...This army is your blood, boy!

Philip ghost:
Without it, you're nothing!

Alexander:
You no longer serve the purpose of this march! Get him from my sight!

Black Cleitus:
I don't serve your purpose?! What was I serving when I saved your puppy life at Gaugamela? Were you Zeus' boy? What if I left you to die in the dust there? Do you think we'd be forced now to mate with brown apes? 

Hephaistion:
Alexander!

Alexander:
Turn out the guards! Arrest him for treason!

Crateros:
I'll go with him. -Alexander.

Alexander:
Who's with him?

Guest:
No.

Alexander:
Who's with him? I call Father Zeus to witness. I call you to trial before him! And we'll see how deep this conspiracy cuts! Take him!

Hephaistion:
In the name of the gods, get him out!

Black Cleitus:
Now look at you! Great white ass, Alexander. Hiding behind his fairy god! Oh! Or are you too great to remember whose life was saved by me?! I am more a man than you'll ever be! Ever!

Crateros:
Get him out!

Antigonus:
He's gone. He's gone.

Hephaistion:
Alexander. 

Antigonus:
Come on!

Black Cleitus:
What a tyrant you are! An evil tyrant you've become, Alexander. You speak of plots against you? What about poor Parmenion?

Antigonus:
Get out! Get out of here!

Black Cleitus:
He served you well. Look how you repaid him. You made me do your foul deed. Have you no shame?

Alexander:
You ungrateful wretch! No one, not my vilest enemy, has spoken like you to me.

Black Cleitus:
Getting what I say?! Despot. False king. You and your barbarian mother live in shame.

Alexander:
Cleitus. Oh, my Cleitus. Cleitus.