Alexander Revisited:
The Final Cut

Black Cleitus:
A toast to Bagoas. And the 30,000 beautiful Persian boys...we're training to fight in this great army. And to the memory of Philip. Had he lived to see his Macedonians...transformed into such...a pretty army. To Philip. To a real hero.

The crowd:
Philip!

Ptolemy:
To Cleitus and his new appointment as satrap of Bactria.

The crowd:
Cleitus.

 Black Cleitus:
That's a fancy way of putting it, Ptolemy. But we all know what a pension and an exile is...after 30 years' service.

Alexander:
Exile? From where, Cleitus?

Black Cleitus:
From my home, Alexander, Macedonia. You could've asked me where I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

Alexander:
You call governing this major province exile?

Black Cleitus:
Has Your Majesty given any of his closest companions...a province so far from home?

Alexander:
Then you won't make a very good satrap, will you, Cleitus?

 Black Cleitus: So be it. Let me rot in Macedonian rags...rather than shine...in Eastern pomp. I won't quake and bow down like the sycophants you have around you. Hephaistion, Nearchus, Perdiccas.

Alexander:
As governor of one of our most Asian of satrapies...Cleitus, does it not occur to you that if my Persian subjects...bow down before me, it's important for them to do so? Do I insist on Greeks doing the same? 

Black Cleitus:
You accept Greek offerings as a son of Zeus, do you not?

Alexander:
Only when offered.

Black Cleitus:
Why don't you refuse these vain flatteries? What freedom is this, to bow before you?

Alexander:
You bow before Herakles, and he was mortal...but a son of Zeus. 

Black Cleitus:
How can you, so young, compare yourself to Herakles?

Alexander:
Why not? I've achieved more in my years. Traveled as far. Probably farther.

Black Cleitus:
Herakles did it by himself. Did you conquer Asia by yourself, Alexander? Who planned the Asian invasion...when you were still being spanked on your bottom by my sister Lanice? Was it not your father? Or is his blood no longer good enough? 

Crateros:
Hei...

Black Cleitus:
Zeus-Amon, is it?

Alexander:
You insult me, Cleitus. You mock my family. Be careful.

Black Cleitus:
Never would your father have taken barbarians as his friends...asked us to fight with them as equals in war. Are we not good enough any longer? I remember a time...when we could talk as men, straight to the eye. None of this scraping, groveling. I remember a time when we hunted...when we wrestled on the gymnasium floor. Now you kiss them? Take a barbarian, childless wife and dare call her queen?

Alexander:
Go quickly, Cleitus, before you ruin your life.

Black Cleitus:
Doesn't your great pride fear the gods any longer? This army...This army is your blood, boy!

Philip ghost:
Without it, you're nothing!

Alexander:
You no longer serve the purpose of this march! Get him from my sight!

Black Cleitus:
I don't serve your purpose?! What was I serving when I saved your puppy life at Gaugamela? Were you Zeus' boy? What if I left you to die in the dust there? Do you think we'd be forced now to mate with brown apes? 

Hephaistion:
Alexander!

Alexander:
Turn out the guards! Arrest him for treason!

Crateros:
I'll go with him. -Alexander.

Alexander:
Who's with him?

Guest:
No.

Alexander:
Who's with him? I call Father Zeus to witness. I call you to trial before him! And we'll see how deep this conspiracy cuts! Take him!

Hephaistion:
In the name of the gods, get him out!

Black Cleitus:
Now look at you! Great white ass, Alexander. Hiding behind his fairy god! Oh! Or are you too great to remember whose life was saved by me?! I am more a man than you'll ever be! Ever!

Crateros:
Get him out!

Antigonus:
He's gone. He's gone.

Hephaistion:
Alexander. 

Antigonus:
Come on!

Black Cleitus:
What a tyrant you are! An evil tyrant you've become, Alexander. You speak of plots against you? What about poor Parmenion?

Antigonus:
Get out! Get out of here!

Black Cleitus:
He served you well. Look how you repaid him. You made me do your foul deed. Have you no shame?

Alexander:
You ungrateful wretch! No one, not my vilest enemy, has spoken like you to me.

Black Cleitus:
Getting what I say?! Despot. False king. You and your barbarian mother live in shame.

Alexander:
Cleitus. Oh, my Cleitus. Cleitus.